James and Bethany hosted a murder mystery dinner party tonight.
It was set in the 1930's, and I was an ex-Rockette, on my way to Hollywood. Between Mom's fake fur coat and the great hat we found for $3 at Party City, I think the outfit looked great. (I've got a great photo - I'll post it when I get around to downloading it from my camera).
And I just showed up for my own life
And I'm standing here taking it in and it sure looks bright
~ Just Showed Up For My Own Life, Sara Groves
Traction
Ever feel like you're just spinning your wheels, unable to get traction?
Or like you're the hamster in the wheel - running as fast as you can but not really going anywhere?
That's what today feels like.
(No, I'm not saying this is a reflection on my life. Just on my current to-do list, both at work and at home. There's more there than I think I can ever hope to get done. Which I guess means I need to do something about the list itself, but I'm not really sure what, other than ride it out.)
Or like you're the hamster in the wheel - running as fast as you can but not really going anywhere?
That's what today feels like.
(No, I'm not saying this is a reflection on my life. Just on my current to-do list, both at work and at home. There's more there than I think I can ever hope to get done. Which I guess means I need to do something about the list itself, but I'm not really sure what, other than ride it out.)
CD suggestions?
I'm thinking about buying some new CDs, but can't figure out what I want to buy. Michael Buble is on my list (because I love "Home") but need other ideas.
Any suggestions?
Any suggestions?
Friends
One of the reasons why I love talking to my friend Kate is that she keeps reminding me why it's so great to have good friends. Take this recent phone call:
Kate: Hi, Kristy.
Me: Kate, I think I'm completely screwed up.
Kate, laughing: I'm pretty sure we're all screwed up. What's going on?
Kate: Hi, Kristy.
Me: Kate, I think I'm completely screwed up.
Kate, laughing: I'm pretty sure we're all screwed up. What's going on?
Hope
I wonder sometimes how much this blog is really a reflection of who I am. It occurs to me that if someone who didn't know me at all were to stumble across these pages, and read the random things I post, they would still miss out on a lot of stuff. I wonder why that is.
Take today, for example. Last night and today (following a great conversation with my friend Kate) I've been thinking a lot about hope. Specifically, I've been thinking about how scary it can be when you begin to hope for something that you had previously shoved back to the realm of impossibility, because it's terrifying to consider that sometimes we hope for things that never come to pass. This morning, as I was driving to work, I thought about writing about these things, though really they're so elemental in my head right now, that I don't know what I would say. (They also resolve around a very specific circumstance, which I definitely am not ready to share.)
In addition to this, I've been thinking about how I really want to go over to the vending machine next door and buy a Coke, but I know I shouldn't, because nothing will bust the lose-weight thing faster for me. (Side note - I worked out yesterday. Yea!)
So, I started this post, and actually couldn't decide what to write about - hope or the Coke. How messed up is that?
Take today, for example. Last night and today (following a great conversation with my friend Kate) I've been thinking a lot about hope. Specifically, I've been thinking about how scary it can be when you begin to hope for something that you had previously shoved back to the realm of impossibility, because it's terrifying to consider that sometimes we hope for things that never come to pass. This morning, as I was driving to work, I thought about writing about these things, though really they're so elemental in my head right now, that I don't know what I would say. (They also resolve around a very specific circumstance, which I definitely am not ready to share.)
In addition to this, I've been thinking about how I really want to go over to the vending machine next door and buy a Coke, but I know I shouldn't, because nothing will bust the lose-weight thing faster for me. (Side note - I worked out yesterday. Yea!)
So, I started this post, and actually couldn't decide what to write about - hope or the Coke. How messed up is that?
Decision time
I've made a decision tonight - I'm going to get serious again about losing weight.
I could go into the whys of it, but frankly, I'm just not comfortable going into that much detail about my personal neuroses when there are people I know that will actually read this. Suffice it to say that I'm doing some thinking, and I'm fed up of the status quo. This moment is a moment of commitment. This is where things change.
Starting tomorrow, I'll begin again to track everything I eat, and will attempt once more (really) to start a new workout routine. (Here's a side note - why in the world do I decide to start these things during probably the busiest week I've had in months?)
So, Jillian, if you're reading this - still interested in a work-out partner at the fitness center on base? And sorry, I'll be cutting back my participation in the Starbucks runs. I'll take out my frustrations with certain major-software-vendors-that-are-to-remain-nameless on the recumbent bike instead.
I could go into the whys of it, but frankly, I'm just not comfortable going into that much detail about my personal neuroses when there are people I know that will actually read this. Suffice it to say that I'm doing some thinking, and I'm fed up of the status quo. This moment is a moment of commitment. This is where things change.
Starting tomorrow, I'll begin again to track everything I eat, and will attempt once more (really) to start a new workout routine. (Here's a side note - why in the world do I decide to start these things during probably the busiest week I've had in months?)
So, Jillian, if you're reading this - still interested in a work-out partner at the fitness center on base? And sorry, I'll be cutting back my participation in the Starbucks runs. I'll take out my frustrations with certain major-software-vendors-that-are-to-remain-nameless on the recumbent bike instead.
Suffolk
I've been spending the weekend in Suffolk, VA (Virginia Beach area) with my friends Nick and Heather, and it's been a good weekend. Right now, I'm spending a few moments online while they finish getting ready for church. Nick and Heather are planting a church here in Suffolk, and are visiting different churches in the area until their church starts holding Sunday services.
Sometimes I think there's just enormous benefit in getting away from home, even if it's not that far away. To be with friends, and have no real agenda to speak of, is a wonderful thing. I'm trying to think about what I would be doing this weekend if I was at home, and I think, really, I'd be spending much of it the same way - shopping, hanging out with the people I care about, laughing. The difference is that all the things I should be doing would be weighing on me.
So, I'm thinking that maybe the really wonderful thing about vacations is giving yourself permission to be distracted from the things you should do. And if that's the case, it should be possible to accomplish that at home. I think.
Sometimes I think there's just enormous benefit in getting away from home, even if it's not that far away. To be with friends, and have no real agenda to speak of, is a wonderful thing. I'm trying to think about what I would be doing this weekend if I was at home, and I think, really, I'd be spending much of it the same way - shopping, hanging out with the people I care about, laughing. The difference is that all the things I should be doing would be weighing on me.
So, I'm thinking that maybe the really wonderful thing about vacations is giving yourself permission to be distracted from the things you should do. And if that's the case, it should be possible to accomplish that at home. I think.
You've got to be kidding me
So, the last few days at work have been pretty crazy, for lots of reasons that I won't go into here.
One thing, however, was so silly as to warrant mention.
(For those who don't know, I work on an army base. This means, among other things, that I stop at the gate for fort police to check my id each time I drive back on base.)
On our way back from grabbing lunch at Panera today, the cop checking our ids (mine and Jillian's) actually told us to have a happy Detrick day.
I think Jillian's response as we drove away pretty much summed it up: "Well. That was a new one."
One thing, however, was so silly as to warrant mention.
(For those who don't know, I work on an army base. This means, among other things, that I stop at the gate for fort police to check my id each time I drive back on base.)
On our way back from grabbing lunch at Panera today, the cop checking our ids (mine and Jillian's) actually told us to have a happy Detrick day.
I think Jillian's response as we drove away pretty much summed it up: "Well. That was a new one."
Valentine's Day
Valentine's Day is a weird day. I actually don't have a really high opinion of it, but find it difficult to explain my feelings. I worry that I might give the opinion that the only reason that I don't like it is because I don't have a significant other with whom to celebrate it.
I just don't like the idea that we're told when to express our love for others. I don't like the expectation of a grandiose gesture.
And I don’t like our waitress at Olive Garden the other night, who divided our eight-person table into two checks (“the lovebirds” and “the singles”) and spent most of the night hitting on Josh (including asking him about his cologne before asking him for his drink order.
Not that the guy at Ruby Tuesday's was much better - ever heard of personal space?Just pay the stupid ticket
Yesterday, I went to traffic court, because I got a ticket a few weeks ago for failure to come to a complete stop at a stop sign and the police officer recommended I go to court. I pled guilty with explanation on the ticket (how can I plead not guilty, when I clearly was?), hoping the judge would be lenient given the chronic headaches and late hour of the ticket (I was on my way home from Mom & Dad's house).
Here's the problem - I was never given a chance to provide an explanation. Instead, the judge asked me my name, if I was pleading guilty, about my driving record, then prounced me guilty and gave me fine.
The amount of the original ticket was $80, the new fine was $74.50, plus $25.50 in court costs. So, $20 extra dollars and total waste of my time to go to the courthouse.
Now, what, I ask you, is the point of "guilty with explanation" if you don't get a chance to give an explanation?
Here's the problem - I was never given a chance to provide an explanation. Instead, the judge asked me my name, if I was pleading guilty, about my driving record, then prounced me guilty and gave me fine.
The amount of the original ticket was $80, the new fine was $74.50, plus $25.50 in court costs. So, $20 extra dollars and total waste of my time to go to the courthouse.
Now, what, I ask you, is the point of "guilty with explanation" if you don't get a chance to give an explanation?
Clarifying
Apparently, in my attempt to veil my comments in my last post, I created some confusion. So, to clarify, I was talking about my dad.
I don't really feel uncomfortable about saying that, because I've said similar things to him personally before, and because I doubt he's reading this anyway.
So, sorry for any confusion.
I don't really feel uncomfortable about saying that, because I've said similar things to him personally before, and because I doubt he's reading this anyway.
So, sorry for any confusion.
Blogging out of frustration
I first started blogging because I was reading a lot of personal finance blogs. I was spending a lot of time thinking about such topics and had few people in real life that I felt comfortable talking about such things with, so I figured I would post in cyberspace, believing really that no one would read what I wrote.
Then, I continued to use it as a sort of personal journal. Sometimes you just have something you need to say, you know? And really, typing has always been more of my thing than writing. But when people you know are actually reading what you write, it means you need to be wise in what you say.
Here's why I'm saying all of this. In a traditional journal right now, I would be venting frustration at a certain person in my life. Here, I'm still going to do that - I'm just going to veil my comments a bit.
If you're going to ask someone a question, you need to give them your attention for as long as it takes for them to answer, even if it takes longer than you expected. And looking at your computer and clicking your mouse while they're talking to you, even if you say you're listening and can repeat back what they're saying, does not count as giving someone your attention.
The funny thing is, most of you who know me will probably know who I'm talking about anyway.
Then, I continued to use it as a sort of personal journal. Sometimes you just have something you need to say, you know? And really, typing has always been more of my thing than writing. But when people you know are actually reading what you write, it means you need to be wise in what you say.
Here's why I'm saying all of this. In a traditional journal right now, I would be venting frustration at a certain person in my life. Here, I'm still going to do that - I'm just going to veil my comments a bit.
If you're going to ask someone a question, you need to give them your attention for as long as it takes for them to answer, even if it takes longer than you expected. And looking at your computer and clicking your mouse while they're talking to you, even if you say you're listening and can repeat back what they're saying, does not count as giving someone your attention.
The funny thing is, most of you who know me will probably know who I'm talking about anyway.