In Salisbury

I'm visiting my sister this weekend in Salisbury. She finishes her undergrad degree at Salisbury University in the next week, so this is my last chance for a visit before she moves home.

I'm a litte unsure about the whole thing - I don't think Kelli and I have ever spent this much time together, just the two of us. Neither of us really have an agenda for this weekend, except for a bonfire on the beach tonight with several of her friends. So, at the moment, we're trying to decide what to do for the afternoon.

Kelli and I don't have a fantastic relationship. We're sisters, we spend time together with our family, and I would do anything for her, but we're not friends.

You know what it really comes down to? Kelli doesn't know me, not really. She thinks she does, because somehow, somewhere, she's imagined this image, this little box that I'm supposed to fit into. The problem is that when I'm uncomfortable, when I feel judged and not really known, I act differently. I'm quieter, more subdued, and more defensive, especially about moral issues. And this quiet, subdued, and morally defensive person is exactly who she imagines me to be.

This is the challenge - just to be myself, even when I'm uncomfortable and in unfamiliar territory.

Otherwise, when Kelli finally moves home, and if she ever comes with me to church or to my small group, she's going to be in for a big surprise. And I'm not sure that's a bad thing.

I think family relationships are hard, just because you're stuck with them. These people, especially when there are other family relationships in common (other siblings, parents), will always be a part of your life. So you keep trying. Which is, after all, the reason I'm here in the first place.