the surreal.

It’s just after midnight and I should be in bed. K has two early basketball games tomorrow and I’m walking a 5k and frankly, there’s just not a lot of margin between now and Monday morning.

Dad came over tonight to help me finish putting together the beds I made for one of the upstairs bedrooms. And after the headboards and footboards and side rails were all put together, after the slats were cut and put into place and I dragged the mattresses upstairs, I pulled out the sheets and comforters and pillows and made the beds. I thought about waiting until another day to do that, but after all of the work, I wanted to see them made up and ready to be used.

“You know, Dad,” I said, “one day my kids are going to sleep in these beds. Your grandkids.”

He agreed, because of course this was true, but I couldn’t help but be struck by how surreal it all seemed. As I was tucking in the sheets, I thought about how there would be many more times that I would do this in the future. Someday soon it would be a chore to climb around the small room (that seemed much bigger before we finished the beds)Maybe I’ll be changing the sheets in the middle of the night because someone was sick or had an accident. Maybe I’ll be sending one child on and need to prepare the beds for the next one God sends.

But tonight, I didn’t mind so much. Tonight I smiled as I snapped a couple quick photos for Instagram. Tonight, I’m looking forward to seeing who God is going to send, and what marvelous things He is going to do.

good reads.

Perfectly Imperfect: Small Town Life – Crumbling Places

“Sometimes, though…

I remember.  That while I am broken, used, less, angry, worn, snappy, selfish, and ungrateful…He is in the business of healing the broken.  Maybe all God needs is for me to rest, revel even, in the brokenness.

Maybe all He needs, friends, is for us to stop holding the crumbling bits together and let them fall to the ground unhindered and bound, so he can plant them firmly with Mercy and Grace.  Maybe He will work ever so diligently to make sure we don’t wind up there anytime soon, and when we do, we are not alone.”

Conversion Diary: The Mental Neat Freak

“And the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I’m a mental neat freak. You know those people who get all stressed out if their houses are messy? That’s me, but in my head (which I guess makes sense, since that’s where I live most of the time). I can stumble along for a while without mental clean-up time, but, like a neat freak living in a house that keeps getting messier and messier and messier, if it goes on too long, I snap.”

LA Times: How Not To Say The Wrong Thing

“If you want to scream or cry or complain, if you want to tell someone how shocked you are or how icky you feel, or whine about how it reminds you of all the terrible things that have happened to you lately, that's fine. It's a perfectly normal response. Just do it to someone in a bigger ring.

Comfort IN, dump OUT.”

Huffington Post: It Ain’t Over: The Business 9 Women Kept A Secret For Three Decades

“Somewhere in West Tennessee, not far from Graceland, nine women – or ‘The 9 Nanas,’ as they prefer to be called -- gather in the darkness of night. At 4am they begin their daily routine -- a ritual that no one, not even their husbands, knew about for 30 years. They have one mission and one mission only: to create happiness. And it all begins with baked goods.”

This High Calling: Dear Foster Mama

“You are different than when you began this pilgrimage, when you set off amongst the strange looks and concerning questions. You’re more tender, deeper…more sober.

And you know you are waltzing through one of the most unnatural dances possible. You trip, stumble and often feel there is no one to lead you, spin you...to search your eyes and see the caverns that now trace deep within your heart and cause the most sporadic tears to surface.

But He is leading you.”

an update.

I haven't found much time to post here lately. Inspiration comes in fits and starts, and the words that used to come more easily, I have to work for. God has been teaching me so much that in some ways I feel less sure of things. I don’t mean that I doubt Truth or Jesus or His Word – it’s more that sometimes it feels like a new revelation is just around the corner. Most thoughts and ideas don’t seem to stick around in the front of my mind to become a real blog post, at least not like they used to.

Plus, I wonder if maybe there are seasons to consider and ponder and yes, write about life, and other seasons to just be busy living it. Some people can do both quite well, but I’m not sure I’m one of them.

So, here are some of the latest parts of living going on in my world.

M and her daughters are still living with me, though they are actively looking for a place of their own. This is an important step for them, for M to be on her own and providing for her family. We’re thinking they’ll be here until the end of May, maybe mid-June at the latest.

K is still living with me, too (A moved out several weeks ago). It’s good, and also hard. I second guess myself all the time and the relationships are difficult to navigate. But I think most really good things are hard, too, and that’s part of what makes them good.

My sister Kelli and I made a bet. We both have to work out 30 minutes a week, four times a week, for eight weeks. If we fail, we pay the other $100. And we go jeans shopping at the end to celebrate. I joined a gym and worked out with a personal trainer for a few weeks (and now on my own). It’s both kicking my butt and also helping a lot with getting my knee back to full functionality. I had my last post-op today, barring any more problems, and got a great result. I joined Weight Watchers, and all of this together is (slowly) working (though I still hate measuring food). And another bonus to all of this – the only time I really have to work out is in the morning before work, which means that I am on a more normal bedtime schedule than I think I’ve ever been.

There’s another court hearing coming up in my CASA case, which will keep me busy for the next few weeks. The longer I do this, the more committed I am to this organization. This work matters. It makes a difference, it really does. I wish more people would get involved in this way.

And the biggest news – I’m in the process of training to be a foster parent. There’s a whole training/application/home study process that takes months to complete, but I’m working my way through, a step at a time.

My brother-in-law told me once that I’m more comfortable being uncomfortable than other people. He’s probably right, but it’s only because stepping out in faith is the best way I know to fully experience God. My friend Kim and I talked about this just the other day, that you can be scared and excited all at the same time. It’s a fun place to be.

So it feels like life is always changing around here, but I think I like it that way.

it starts with one.

This is just one of the thoughts that keeps running through my head since I got back from the Idea Camp on Orphan Care: It starts with one.

One action. One small step of obedience. Even large acts of giving and sacrifice, the ones that make us think, "I could never do that," started with one small yes.

This is at once both comforting and scary. Comforting because the one small step doesn't seem as hard. Scary because I've seen evidence of what those small steps can lead to.

So, here's my one small step: I contacted someone about becoming a respite foster parent.

What's yours?

fostering is like a box of chocolates.

The thing about fostering, is you never really know what you're going to get.

Scooter was energetic but pretty well-trained already. The most difficult thing about him was that he always, always found a way out of the yard - under the fence, through the fence, chewing through a rope and then through a fence.

Skeeter was incredibly timid, but a great dog. It took a lot of effort for him to be comfortable with me, but once he did, he followed me everywhere. He's the only foster dog that I ever let sleep in my bed.

Harley, on the other hand, has been another whole set of challenges. In addition to the infection he developed, he has more energy than any dog I've ever known. He could be outside all day and all evening, running and jumping and playing with Harvey, and still wakes up and wants out of his crate at least once, usually twice, during the night. And he lets me know this with an annoying, high-pitched bark that sounds like it should be coming out of a dog one-fifth his size. He wants to chew on everything - bones, toys, paper towels, tissue boxes, Harvey's collar, my shoes, my watch, my phone, my laptop cord, my comforter, my pants, me. He needs constant attention, and the rare moments that he is actually occupied with something he's allowed to be doing, like sleeping or chewing a bone, I don't dare move for fear of distracting him.

Overall, I still enjoy fostering, and I'm glad I signed up to do it. I think we're going to take a bit of a break, though, after Harley finds a home. Because he wants to play with Harvey constantly, she's getting a little stressed out - she's clingy and would rather than stay inside with me than go outside with the others. And since Harvey pees whenever she's scared or excited, and she's not emptying her bladder as often as she should be, we've quite a few accidents in the house.

these are not the new experiences i want.

There are some things that I never thought I would do.

But poor Harley (Petfinder listing) developed a really nasty infection after his surgery to get neutered.

So besides antibiotics three times a day, pain pills two times a day, and pills for sedation as needed, I spend at least ten minutes a day holding an ice pack between his legs.

Or, to be more accurate, its actually a bag of frozen peas.

Still.

harley.

This is Harley.


He's a 1 1/2 year old Australian Kelpie (we think). He looks kind of like a small German Shepherd. I don't think this picture does him justice, because he is absolutely gorgeous.

(And can I pause right here to say, what's up with the name thing? First Scooter/Skeeter, and Harvey/Harley?)

He's pretty energetic, though I'm hoping he'll calm down a bit as he settles in. He was just neutered yesterday, so I haven't been letting him run off energy in the yard, as I would normally. He seems to like chewing things - my hand, my laptop cord, my furniture. I'm trying to distract him with a bone.

Dakota and Harvey aren't too sure yet what to think of him - he definitely wants to play with them, and they like to ease into things a little bit.

dc / frederick.

Since I needed to drive to DC for a work meeting Wednesday and Thursday, I decided to spend the rest of the weekend with my family in Frederick. I'm going to attend my cousin's baby shower, hang out with my sisters, help my parents clean out closets, and try to advance my position as Jake's favorite aunt.

Last week's yard sale wasn't incredibly successful - I got a couple small things, but nothing I'm really excited about. Skeeter did really great, though (I took him with me to work on socializing him).

skeeter.

This is Skeeter.


He is the most adorable little guy. I'm telling you, this is the one that going to break my heart.

We're not quite sure how old he is - the intake paperwork said 10 months, but a vet looked at his teeth and said 6-7 years. I'm told he was used as a hunting dog before he was taken to the Gloucester Humane Society, but I think he must have been abused - he's way too skittish and timid to be otherwise. I've had him for two days, and he's slowly warming up to me and the dogs.

adventures.

This fostering rescues thing, its a bit of an adventure.

Last night, Scooter got out of the fence. I realized this when I went to bring the dogs in after about 20 minutes outside, and only two came in. I know he's capable of jumping the fence, but given that he hasn't even looked like he considered it over the past week and a half, I figured it was safe to leave outside for short periods of time with my supervision. After I drove around looking for a good 30 minutes, I got the call that someone had found him one street over.

Today, I figured out exactly how he got out of the fence - in between the pickets (one is half-broken) in the gate, in a space Dakota can't squeeze through, but Scooter can because he's skinnier than she is.

I was sitting right there, I saw him do it, and I just grabbed the bag of treats I was using for training Dakota, and ran after him.

I chased him for forty minutes, all through out the neighborhood, until he was finally tired enough to sit when I told him and let me get close enough to grab his collar.

At this point, a man working on a nearby house had been trying to help me catch him, but Scooter was too fast for us to corner him.

Faced with the prospect of having to walk several blocks hunched over with my hand on his collar (I hadn't grabbed a leash, and kept following him as long as he was in my sights), I asked the man if he had a rope I could use.

He came back with a rope that I threaded through the ring on Scooter's collar, and it promptly broke, and Scooter went running after a squirrel.

This was the point where I swore.

Luckily, he was running onto the grassy area just before a dock, which was surrounded by a retaining wall. The man went one way, I went the other and he said, "Now we've got him - he can't go anywhere." I was doubtful because I knew that Scooter could jump the wall, but one can hope, right?

Wrong. With his head up watching a squirrel in a tree above him, Scooter leaped right over the wall.

Right into the Elizabeth River.

Fortunately, it was pretty shallow there. Scooter could have walked right up on to the bank a few feet away, but was so surprised to be wet, that he just held still. I was trying to brace myself to walk into the water (and if you know me and how I feel about fish, you'll understand that is a very big deal), but the man climbed down onto a little ledge, hauled him up by his collar, and passed him to me.

Then we got another rope, checked it carefully to make sure it was strong enough, and we walked home.

scooter.

This is Scooter:


He's a border collie mix, just over a year old, and living with me until we can find a permanent home for him. Harvey and Dakota met him yesterday, and I brought him home today.

So far, so good. He marked all over the yard, and I was prepared for him to try the same thing inside, but he didn't. A few minutes ago he was helping Dakota catch a fly (I'll never need to buy a flyswatter), and now all three dogs are curled up around me taking a nap - Harvey beside me, Dakota on the other side of the couch, and Scooter at my feet.

ordinary miracles.

I'm not sure what this post has to do with ordinary miracles, except that's the song I'm listening to as I'm writing this.

As a rule, I don't usually say that spring is my favorite time of year. I'm not crazy about rain, and I've suffered through pretty nasty seasonal allergies for as long as I can remember. But I do love days like these - when the sun is shining, and its just warm enough to open your windows or drive with the window down, but its not so hot its stifling. And when my allergies are under control (which they are now, thank goodness).

I have lots of thoughts on my mind to share, but for now I'll just tell you that I've been busy with lots of little projects over the last several days. Work is very slow right now, leaving me with lots of free time, and I'm having fun filling it with the things I want to do. Tomorrow several friends are coming over to pull off my existing warped gutters (it doesn't look like they were installed properly to begin with) and replace the outside moulding where its been damaged by water. I need to go outside and take before photos.

I'm still creating jewelry, I just haven't taken any photos of the newer pieces. My friend Billy is a photographer, and is going to help me learn how to set these up for photos. Once I have a certain number of pieces completed, I'm going to set up a etsy shop to sell them.

One more thing - I volunteered to foster dogs with Animal Rescue of Tidewater. I've thought about doing this before, and now that I'm working from home, I just decided to go ahead and do it. They're coming to do a home study next week, and we'll see what happens from there - it sounds like they're willing to work with me on the type of dog I would foster, which makes me happy.