an update.

I haven't found much time to post here lately. Inspiration comes in fits and starts, and the words that used to come more easily, I have to work for. God has been teaching me so much that in some ways I feel less sure of things. I don’t mean that I doubt Truth or Jesus or His Word – it’s more that sometimes it feels like a new revelation is just around the corner. Most thoughts and ideas don’t seem to stick around in the front of my mind to become a real blog post, at least not like they used to.

Plus, I wonder if maybe there are seasons to consider and ponder and yes, write about life, and other seasons to just be busy living it. Some people can do both quite well, but I’m not sure I’m one of them.

So, here are some of the latest parts of living going on in my world.

M and her daughters are still living with me, though they are actively looking for a place of their own. This is an important step for them, for M to be on her own and providing for her family. We’re thinking they’ll be here until the end of May, maybe mid-June at the latest.

K is still living with me, too (A moved out several weeks ago). It’s good, and also hard. I second guess myself all the time and the relationships are difficult to navigate. But I think most really good things are hard, too, and that’s part of what makes them good.

My sister Kelli and I made a bet. We both have to work out 30 minutes a week, four times a week, for eight weeks. If we fail, we pay the other $100. And we go jeans shopping at the end to celebrate. I joined a gym and worked out with a personal trainer for a few weeks (and now on my own). It’s both kicking my butt and also helping a lot with getting my knee back to full functionality. I had my last post-op today, barring any more problems, and got a great result. I joined Weight Watchers, and all of this together is (slowly) working (though I still hate measuring food). And another bonus to all of this – the only time I really have to work out is in the morning before work, which means that I am on a more normal bedtime schedule than I think I’ve ever been.

There’s another court hearing coming up in my CASA case, which will keep me busy for the next few weeks. The longer I do this, the more committed I am to this organization. This work matters. It makes a difference, it really does. I wish more people would get involved in this way.

And the biggest news – I’m in the process of training to be a foster parent. There’s a whole training/application/home study process that takes months to complete, but I’m working my way through, a step at a time.

My brother-in-law told me once that I’m more comfortable being uncomfortable than other people. He’s probably right, but it’s only because stepping out in faith is the best way I know to fully experience God. My friend Kim and I talked about this just the other day, that you can be scared and excited all at the same time. It’s a fun place to be.

So it feels like life is always changing around here, but I think I like it that way.

more bits of randomness.

Every now and then, rather than having one single topic to share, I feel like I need to write a catch-up post with lots of little things. This is one of those posts.

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I'm in the throes of Christmas decorating. Isn't it odd that with things like this, it always get worse before its gets better? I've been utterly overwhelmed the last couple days, but today, when I realized that I have something going on every night this week, I spent some time at lunch just making lists (making lists relaxes me). My tree is up, I finally found the star for the top, and now I have a plan on what is left to do, so I'm a lot less stressed.

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Our church is throwing a birthday party for Jesus on Saturday as an outreach, so I'm busy with last-minute plans for that. Sunday we passed out 500 flyers in local neighborhoods - I'm excited and hoping for a big turnout!

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Layla and Kevin from The Lettered Cottage are here for their 700 Club segment, and they're just as fun in real life as they seem to be on their blog. I hung out with them and Heather Sunday night, shopping for the room they're redoing, then going to dinner and to see the lights on the boardwalk. Tonight I dropped by after work for a little while to see the progress so far, and help out with the room a bit, before I headed back home to work on my own house.

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My sister Kelli and I are in the middle of a challenge - we both threw in $50, and have agreed to do 30 minutes of cardio, three times a week through the end of the year. If we don't keep up our end, we forfeit our $50, and let me just say - that money is a pretty strong motivation.

We started at the beginning on November, so we're in the middle of week 5 right now. In some ways, its been really good - there are many times over the last few weeks that the only thing that got me to the gym was our challenge, and it definitely helped while we were both home for Thanksgiving, because we planned exercise into our schedule together. On the other hand, isn't this the craziest time of the year to start something like this?

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Lastly - I'm going to see Chris Tomlin on Friday night with Heather, Heather, Kelly, and Mary, and can't wait! Its going to be a great show.

holding me back.

I've been mulling this over since my sister Kelli and I first talked about it over last weekend.

The thing about spending most of your life overweight is, you get used to your weight holding you back and getting in the way of living life. You avoid physical activity (the fun stuff) because you either assume you can't do it, or don't want the embarassment of NOT being able to do it.

Kelli, Vince, and I took the dogs hiking over Thanksgiving (Kelli and I are in the middle of a workout challenge). Had she suggested this two years ago, I would have rejected it outright, primarily because I would have been worried that I wouldn't have been able to keep up.

Today my perspective has changed dramatically. Now I'm training to run a 5K not because I enjoy running (still waiting for that to kick in), but because I've always said I never would. Sometimes my gut reaction is still to say no, but I'm learning to actually enjoy pushing myself.

Thinking about this has made me wonder just what other experiences in my life I've missed out on because I was too afraid of whether or not I could actually do it.

small victories.

I think success in weight loss is really all about celebrating small victories. Especially when you prefer to work like I do - work out, then just eat wisely (without actually counting calories or measuring portions).

I started running in May, using a Couch-to-5K plan, mostly as a means to cross goal number #5 off my list. Pretty quickly, though, it became more about proving to myself that I could do something that I never thought I would be able to do.

Then, in mid-June, I sprained my ankle and got sidelined for a while, and got a little off-track with any regular work-outs at all. But two weeks ago, after an okay from my doctor, I got back on track.

I'm working out 5 days a week (3 is my minimum). Three days a week, I do my current step in the running program, and the other two days I spend 20 minutes on the ellipitical. I follow all of that up with a weight-training program and ab work, using ActivTrax (a service available at my gym). I made a chart for my refrigerator, and I add a big checkmark every time I finish a workout. I'm actually thinking of picking up some gold stars.

And I'm celebrating the small victories - like when I realized that I could run easily without getting pains in my side, or when I push myself to do more reps than I thought I could. And yesterday, for the first time on the 45-degree leg press, I didn't have to remove all of the big, 45-pound weights before I could start loading the correct amount for me. I left two of them on there, because I lifted 90 pounds. That felt really good.

still running.

I'm still running, working my way through a Couch-to-5K plan, so I can cross goal #5 off my list.

It's still really hard.

But I am so proud of myself for doing it.

running.

I've never liked running. As someone who's had knee problems for years, I've always used the excuse that running isn't good for your knees (and really, it isn't, compared to something like a bike or elliptical trainer). But the truth is, I just don't like the way I feel when I run. Its hard, yes, but it hurts, too, in my sides and chest, even before I really feel it in my legs. I've really just never enjoyed it at all.

So why I decided to set a goal to run for 2 miles (#5), I don't know. But I figured now that I'm back into working out on a regular basis, it would be a good idea to see just where I was on that, so I would know how far I need to go.

Turns out, I have a long way to go. I could barely manage 2 minutes, which isn't even two-tenths of a mile. (Of course, I tried this after I had just done 20 minutes on the elliptical).

So I'm going to try this Couch-to-5K plan. I still don't know if I'll ever add running to my regular workout regime on a permanent basis, but this way I can at least work up to crossing that goal off my list.

Oh, and the pain in my sides and chest? Nick says that's because you're literally bouncing your organs around when you run. This also explains why its tough to catch your breath, because you're literally bouncing air out of your lungs. He says my ligaments will tighten up and it will get easier.

And after today, my first day on this new plan, let's just say - boy, I hope so.

how i celebrate cinco de mayo.

I guess tomorrow night I should make enchiladas or tacos or just eat salsa, but tonight I went to my first Zumba class.

I am definitely not coordinated enough to do an aerobic dance class. I could only really follow one part of the instructors movements at a time - her feet, her arms, or her hips. Any more than that, and I was lost.

spinning.

I've been talking about going to a spinning class for a few weeks, and today I finally did it. We spent the first hour on the bike, and then 30 minutes doing some strength training.

(By the way, this takes care of #14 on my 2009 goals list).

The first part was great - hard work and my butt is killing me, but I still liked it. I didn't feel I was so far behind everyone else that I couldn't keep up (which was something I was worried about), but it was also challenging enough that I can see plenty of places to grow.

The second part...not so much fun. I have a lot of trouble doing ab work, because I can't figure out if I'm having trouble because of the back surgery I had when I was 13 (the lower half of my body just does not bend) or because I'm out of shape. And then, when we were raising weight bars over our heads to work our triceps, I got dizzy and had to stop for a while. I was embarrassed, but the instructor was great.

I'm planning to go back - hopefully next time won't be as bad.

benefits.

A while back, I asked my friend Nick, who's lost nearly 140 pounds, about the benefits to losing weight, from his perspective. I supposed I could easily come up with my own list, but I wanted to hear what he had discovered were the best things.

It took him a while, but he finally did it:
Part 1
Part 2

Its serving as great motivation for me this week, in large part because its got me thinking about the road so far, and the weight I've lost to date (40 pounds, all in all). I'm working toward my first big goal, and it's close - hopefully only a few weeks away.

how to eat healthier without counting calories.

As I've mentioned before, I got home recently from visiting my family. As we were very busy cleaning out their house to get ready for a move, I did a really lousy job counting calories. Which is to say that I really didn't count them, at all.

But, I still know that I ate well and made healthy choices, because I followed my rules. I think counting something (calories, Weight Watchers points, whatever) is the best way to lose weight, but when I can't, these rules are definitely working well for me. I kept losing, even while I was there, and if you know my family, you know that in itself is a minor miracle.

So, all that said, here are my food guidelines:

• Never drink your calories. - The only exception to this, for me, is smoothies - and I consider those a treat, like dessert. Or I have one in the place of breakfast. And whether I'm eating out or making one at home, I opt for low-fat, no-sugar-added choices.


• No fried foods - I actually thought this would be hard to do, but it hasn't been. Honestly, right now - the thought of something greasy and deep-fried makes me feel a little sick.


• Think twice about chocolate, candy, and dessert - And then think again, because if I'm going to waste calories on it, I better really want it and I better really enjoy it.


• Use low-fat or fat-free options whenever possible - I don't drink milk but cook with skim, I use fat-free butter spray, I eat low-fat cheese and fat-free yogurt, and I buy baked or reduced-fat chips and crackers.


• Use whole-wheat options whenever possible - I eat lite whole wheat bread and pasta. The calorie and fat content is often similar to the white equivalent, but you're getting a lot more fiber and protein for it.
  

This is by no means an exhaustive list of the choices that I'm making, but when I don't have the time to really count calories, they're working for me.

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For more great ideas, visit Rocks in My Dryer for Works for Me Wednesday.

weight loss challenge (the results).

Our extreme weight-loss challenge concluded today. I didn't win, but I lost 10 pounds, and five inches total in my chest, waist, and hips. In six weeks. So I'm not sad, because who would be sad about that?

my favorite way to eat salad.

When I lived in Frederick, my hands-down favorite place to go for lunch was Panera. I ate there at least two or three times a week, and almost always ordered the same thing - half Frontega chicken panini with either chicken noodle or broccoli cheese soup. Not quite healthy, at least the sandwich, but so, so good.

Panera was also the first time I ever saw anyone put fruit on a salad. It seemed a little weird, especially with chicken too, but after a while that became my favorite way to eat a salad.

This recipe is adapted from Southern Living's Baby Blue salad, though I've changed it a bit to suit my taste.

Summer Fruit Salad

1 bag spring mix salad greens
1/2 pint strawberries, quartered
1/2 pint blueberries
1 orange, peeled and sectioned
2 ounces feta cheese, crumbled

Mix all ingredients together and serve with your favorite salad dressing.

There are lots of salad dressing options for this - most any vinaigrette tastes really good, and Panera serves theirs with a poppyseed dressing. I often leave off the dressing all together - I've found that the juice from the orange and strawberries is almost enough for me by itself.

Also, vary it by adding whatever fuits you like. I've added dried cranberries, and I've always thought bits of apples or maybe grapes would be good, too.

For more healthy fruit recipes, visit the Watchin' What We Eat Wednesday - Fruits Edition.

back on track.

So, despite my bad day, I'm back on track. Tonight I worked out on the elliptical for one hour.

One whole hour.

keeping it real.

Yesterday was a tough day, diet wise. I mentioned that I'm doing this weight loss challenge - Thursday night I asked my friend Kelly to take my measurements, since she had the original records from the start of the challenge. My weight wasn't quite down as much as according to my scale, but I'm chalking that up to the fact that we were doing this much later in the day, and that my scale is cheap and not perfectly reliable.

But, this is the thing that killed me - though my hip measurements were down 2 inches, both my chest and waist measurements were up 1 inch! And given the way I've been working out and eating, I just don't see how that's possible. It frustrated me enough that yesterday, I ate ice cream, instead of opting for a low-fat smoothie.

Today is much better, though - I decided a couple things.

• I'm going to follow Nick and Heather's suggestion to get a complete physical, given that I'm talking about losing a significant amount of weight here. That way, I'll know up front if I'm dealing with any issues that might affect my weight loss.
• Also, when Kelly does the final measurements in a week, I don't want to know what they are. Maybe this last measurement was a fluke, maybe the first set was off - or maybe, inches just isn't the best thing for me to track.

what i like about working out.

In and of itself, I don't really like working out. Its hard work, and sometimes its hard mental work to force myself to get to the gym and finish strong. I don't particularly enjoy sweating and forcing myself to go beyond what I think I can do.

And, let's just be honest, when I work out, there is really nothing pretty going on there. Some people look kind of cute when they work out - I am not one of them.

But here's what I do like - the results are tangible and I can see the progress I'm making.

Dieting and using the scale as your guide - that's not always a fast process, and the results don't show up immediately. I can feel proud of myself for getting to the gym, for the discipline I'm showing in keeping my calories at a certain level, but that's less tangible for me.

One year ago, the first time I ever got on an elliptical machine, I could barely get through three minutes before I needed to get off. Four weeks ago, 15 minutes just about killed me. Today, I'm doing 30 minutes, and feeling like I could even go longer. I can bike faster, I can lift more.

I can't really explain to you how good that makes me feel.

my favorite healthy dessert.

In keeping with my desire to eat well, I've decided to share a few of my favorite low-fat and/or low-calorie recipes, as a part of Lorie's Watchin' What We Eat Wednesday meme.

This is seriously my favorite healthy dessert. And, actually, its my favorite dessert period, except for chocolate chip cookies. But I'm dieting here, so we won't talk about those anymore.

Anyway, back to the recipe. This is really easy, really flexible, really good, and, to those who don't know just how easy it is to make, really impressive, too. This looks great in any clear glass bowl (like a trifle bowl).

Angel Food Fruit Trifle

angel food cake (with no icing)
sugar-free vanilla pudding (4 servings), made with fat-free milk
fat-free whipped topping
assorted fruit, washed and cut up as necessary

Fold together the vanilla pudding with most of the whipped topping (you'll be saving some of it to use on top the dessert). Cut the angel food cake into bite-size pieces (about 1 inch square). Layer the ingredients in the bowl - angel food cake, pudding mixture, and fruit (reserving some fruit for the top), and continue layers until the bowl is full. Decorate the top of the bowl with reserved whipped topping and fruit.

Variations: You can vary this by making it with any type of cake (brownies and pound cake are both good, though not really healthy), and flavor of pudding, and any kind of fruit. My favorite way is with traditional angel food cake, vanilla pudding, strawberries, and blueberries. I've also made it with chocolate angel food cake, chocolate pudding, and raspberries - that was delicious, too.

There are so many different kinds of fruit and flavors of pudding out there - the possibilities are endless. How about raspberries with cheesecake pudding? Or strawberries and bananas with white chocolate? Or blueberries with lemon?

For more great, healthy recipes, visit whoareyoudiet.blogspot.com.

challenge (week three).

We're well into our third week of the Extreme Weight Loss Challenge, and I'm finally starting to see results on the scale. In fact, I've taken to weighing myself each morning, first thing after I get up. I've heard (I think Heather read some where?) that daily weigh-ins help you lose. For me, its a daily reminder of my goal, and its helping me to see more clearly the way that certain habits, behaviors, and times of day affect my weight, so I'm less stressed out by the changes.

Anyway, I'm down 4.5 pounds, which might not seem that remarkable, until I tell you that I lost 3 of those since Friday. My body had a little bit of catching up to do, I think.

I'm comfortable with my routine when it comes to work outs and food, but in less than a week, I go to my parents' house for a visit. Heather calls it the lion's den, at least in terms of eating healthy and being active. Luckily, I'm making two meals, and we're going out to eat once, so that will help.

challenge (day three).

I'm starting to get used to the fact that my muscles ache.

weight loss challenge (day one).

My friend Kelly is hosting an extreme weight-loss challenge - its a $20 buy-in, and whoever loses the most inches and pounds, as a percentage of their body weight, gets to keep all the money.

Can I tell you a secret? Sure, the money is a nice motivator, but I really joined for the camaraderie and competition.

Can I tell you something else? My arms are killing me.

Today is the first day of the challenge (though yesterday I was careful to eat healthy things, though I didn't count calories). After taking Scooter on a walk (I'm going to walk Harvey and Dakota later today), I went to the gym to do some weight lifting and swimming.

I grew up with a pool in my backyard and used to swim laps all the time - it was a work out sure, but it didn't wipe me out. But halfway through my first lap, I realized this wasn't going to be as easy as I remembered. I managed to finish what I told myself I would, but I was wiped out at the end. Both my arms are sore (I guess my triceps?), and I didn't even work out those muscles during weight lifting.

Feel free to send some encouragement my way - I have a feeling this is going to be a long six weeks.