what i'm not doing.

We’re a few days into December, which means it’s definitely the Christmas season (even if you’re not one of those people who starts listening to Christmas music in September, like I am). I don’t know about you, but in between buying gifts, holiday events, and the stuff of normal everyday life, December can feel like three-ring circus, and it’s easy to miss the whole point of it all for all of the things we have to do (just like the innkeeper).

When you add my upcoming surgery (which has added a new holiday deadline) and a full week away training for work, I’m looking for ways to slow the frantic pace we could easily adopt. With that in mind – here is a list of things I’m not doing this year:

Christmas cards – I like getting them, and even like sending them, but not this year.

Extensive Christmas decorating – I was actually thinking of just limiting our decorations to the tree and the Nativity, but lucky for me, M did all of the heavy lifting here (usually when I was out of house). Even the clean up.

All handmade gifts – I’ve made a few things, but with the exception of a couple things to finish up this weekend, I’m sticking with purchased items. Still personal, but a lot less time involved.

Avoiding gift cards – Normally I try to avoid giving gift cards, because they feel impersonal. This year, I’m giving in – especially for a few hard-to-buy-for family members.

Christmas baking – I got all inspired at Michaels a couple of nights ago and bought disposable loaf pans, thinking I might make some homemade zucchini bread for my neighbors. Or maybe cookies. Who knows? But if I just don’t get around to doing this, they’ll keep until next year. Or even the year after.

Creating (or buying) many new Christmas decorations – This year, I’m sticking to what I already have.

How do you make sure you slow down and enjoy the Christmas season?

the innkeeper.

I heard this at church yesterday morning, from Frederick Buechner’s The Magnificent Defeat. I’m working on a post about some of the things that I’m not doing this Christmas season, in an attempt to slow down the crazy. In the meantime, read this – because I think missing the miracle for the trees is certainly not a new problem.

"I speak to you as men of the world," said the Innkeeper. "Not as idealists but as realists. Do you know what it is like to run an inn-to run a business, a family, to run anything in this world for that matter, even your own life? It is being lost in a forest of a million trees," said the Innkeeper, and each tree is a thing to be done. Is there fresh linen on all the beds? Did the children put on their coats before they went out? Has the letter been written, the book read? Is there money enough left in the bank? Today we have food in our bellies and clothes on our backs, but what can we do to make sure that we will have them still tomorrow? A million trees. A million things.

"Until finally we have eyes for nothing else, and what-ever we see turns into a thing. The sparrow lying in the dust at your feet-just a thing to be kicked out of the way, not the mystery of death. The calling of children outside your window-just a distraction, an irrelevance, not life, not the wildest miracle of them all. That whispering in the air that comes sudden and soft from nowhere-only the wind, the wind…

"Later that night, when the baby came, I was not there," the Innkeeper said. "I was lost in the forest somewhere, the unenchanted forest of a million trees. Fifteen steps to the cellar, and watch out for your head going down. Firewood to the left. If the fire goes out, the heart freezes. Only the wind, the wind. I speak to you as men of the world. So when the baby came, I was not around, and I saw none of it. As for what I heard -- just at that moment itself of birth when nobody turns into somebody-I do not rightly know what I heard.

"But this I do know. My own true love. All your life long, you wait for your own true love to come-we all of us do-our destiny, our joy, our heart's desire. So how am I to say it, gentlemen? When he came, I missed him.

on being radical.

I have this desire to be radical. It's one of those things that's engraved deep within me, a yearning that has been a part of me for a long time. I'm not sure where it comes from exactly - maybe a desire to stand out, a need to matter. I'd like to couch it in spiritual terms, to make you think that I love Jesus so much that I want to do something big for him. But if I'm being honest, I think there are some selfish motivations driving that. Because if not, would I really want to be radical, or just obedient?

It's been about a year and half now since I started doing stuff that I would have considered radical a few years ago. And you know what? It doesn't feel radical. It just kind of feels like this is the way I should have been living all along. And hopefully, as God keeps teaching me, the stuff that seems radical now will just seem normal in a few years. I have no idea what that will look like. But in case you're in that place of wanting to be radical but not really sure how to start, here are a couple things I've learned.

First, it starts with the small things. If we're not willing to be faithful in the little things of every day life, what makes us think we'll say yes when God asks for something more? If I won't be generous with my free time when I have so much of it, am I really going to be willing to sacrifice it later when it seems there is much less to spare? And if I don't trust him with all that he has given me so far, why would I trust him with more?

Second, in the end, it's really about the small things. Even the big decisions are really lived out in the day to day. For me, it's cooking more often than I ever have before, because one meal doesn't lead to as many leftovers as it used to. Sometimes it's stopping what I'm doing, or skipping what I want to do, to give someone a ride or pick someone up. It's the choice to be patient when I really want to be left alone, or the decision to stay engaged when I want to find a place to hide out for a while. It's doing the dishes again. Like with so many other things, the real impact is not in the one big decision, but the daily little ones.

the latest.

After wrestling for a couple weeks on what to say and how to say it, I think I’ve finally figured it out.

A few months ago, T and her 14-year-old daughter K moved in with me, because they needed a place to stay for a few months. For reasons I won’t go into, T is going to be unavailable for a while, so K will be living with me, along with her 17-year-old sister A. In addition to this, M and her young daughters A and B are living here, which makes for a wonderfully full house.

(Full of females, including the dogs, which gives some male members of my family a little bit of anxiety at the idea of coming over).

So this is where I find myself these days – making doctor and dentist appointments, planning meals on a regular basis for more than just myself, checking school grades and helping with homework, and learning what parents mean when they say they feel like they’re running a taxi service. And although I am not the girls’ mother, I’m still getting a crash course in parenting. I am certain that I am exactly where God wants me, even as I’m getting used to this new schedule and the myriad new responsibilities that come with it.

I started reading The Circle Maker by Mark Batterson today, and these words jumped out at me:

“I felt underqualified and overwhelmed, but that is when God has you right where He wants you. That is how you learn to live in raw dependence – and raw dependence is the raw material out of which God performs His greatest miracles.”

This is where I am – sure that I can’t do this job, but confident that He can. And anticipating that God will do miraculous things.

new recipes, part 6.

[Sources: 1 – Taste of Home, 2 – Stay-At-Home Artist,
3 – Our Best Bites, 4 – jujugoodnews.com]

Enchilada Stuffed Shells – These were okay, they just didn’t have a ton of flavor. Not bad, but just not one of those recipes I would absolutely keep to make again.

Creamy Chicken Noodle Soup – I love chicken noodle soup, and I love thick, creamy soups, which this definitely is. It was pretty easy to put together, even with the addition of the cream sauce. It made a lot, and it got rave reviews. It’s definitely something I’ll make again, especially as comfort food this winter (after I’m done hobbling around on crutches, that is).

Baked Sweet Potato Fries – Honestly, I kind of winged it on this one. I didn’t measure out anything, just peeled and cut the sweet potatoes, then dumped olive oil and the seasonings on them. I also skipped the coriander, because I didn’t have them. The result was definitely tasty, but I wasn’t careful about laying out each piece so they weren’t touching (I was in a hurry), so they weren’t very crispy. Still, they were good. And easy enough that I’ll make them again.

Orange Chicken Vegetable Stir-Fry – This recipe just really didn’t have much flavor! The orange flavor didn’t come through at all. It was edible, but there wasn’t much to it, really. I have another recipe for orange chicken (from here). It’s a less healthy, but much tastier and easier. Maybe I’ll try a hybrid someday.

what’s going on.

So here’s the weird thing about having a blog. It’s a great way for me to process the stuff that’s going on in my life and the things that God is teaching me, as well as share the projects that I’m working on. But it’s also a public forum, and since I never really know who is reading my tiny little corner of the Internet, there are some things that I just don’t feel comfortable sharing, at least not right away.

And then, when my time and mental energy and sometimes even money is consumed with this BIG THING I can’t talk about, I don’t always want to talk about anything else. Sometimes it’s easier to just be silent, then wrestle through what I want to and should say.

My reason for saying all of this is just to explain that there are some big things going on over here, that I can’t talk about. Maybe soon I can. Or maybe I’ll find the words to share some of these things without sharing the details I shouldn’t. I don’t know. In the meantime, if things are sparse around here, or maybe even just not very deep for a while, you’ll know why.

So, here is one thing that I can share. At the beginning of September, I dislocated my kneecap while playing kickball. Actually, let me clarify that – we were practicing kickball (my sisters, brother, and brother-in-law are all in a kickball league, and I signed up for the fall season, too). Before the first game, I was out of commission. This is, of course, after I signed up and paid my registration fee. My bright yellow jersey is hands-down the most expensive t-shirt I own.

So after a few weeks of just following my orthopedic PA sister Kelli’s advice, my knee just didn’t seem to be healing the way it should. I got better, but then things kind of stalled, so Kelli referred me to one of her coworkers. I started physical therapy and got an MRI, and a couple of days ago, I got the news that the reason my knee wasn’t healing, and probably the reason that it was so unstable that I dislocated my kneecap in the first place, is because I have a torn ACL.

This was a complete shock to me. Kelli, too – she may or may not have said a few swear words when she saw the MRI results. I’ll admit, it threw me for a loop. On one hand it’s good to have an answer. On the other hand, with everything else going on (the stuff I can’t talk about yet, Grandma’s death a few weeks ago, normal Christmas-is-coming chaos), in that moment, the weight of everything just felt like too much.

I’m handling it better now. Surgery is scheduled for December 19 (which means that I have even fewer days to finish my Christmas prep). I’m supposed to be on crutches for several weeks and unable to drive for a while. I’m taking off work for a week, and have the option of taking more time or partial days after I see how I feel. My boss has made it clear that we’ll work things out, however I need to. My sister has put in a request for a specific anesthesiologist (we get nervous about anesthesia around this family, and plus all medical questions fall under her area of expertise). My mom has already offered to do my laundry, and several friends have promised to help with meals or rides as I need them.

God is faithful. Sometimes I remember that well. Sometimes I need reminders. Sometimes it’s a truth that I hold on to with everything I have, because I know that when I forget it, I’m lost.

Thanks for letting me just unload a bit!

chicken fabric art.

This is my newest meaningful art project.

It’s a little bit different, isn’t it? But as simple as this project is (just fabric stapled around a canvas), the story behind it is one of my favorites.

Buying fabric is Gabon is always an interesting experience. There is a ton of great, really fun and colorful stuff, but you also need to look closely at the pattern, just to make sure you notice if it has cell phones or dollar signs or pieces of fruit.

A few days before I left Gabon, several of our friends bought me a few going-away gifts, including a few yards of this fabric. I’ll admit, I was a little surprised at the chickens at first, but they explained they had chosen it so I would always remember my children at Hope House. They talked about the way I would come into the medical clinic, always with children that I loved as though they were mine.

I, of course, teared up.

Then Papi Joe, who is a bit of a class clown, said in his limited English, “Kristy is the mama chicken!”

Which made me laugh.

And this makes me remember my kids in Africa, and my friends who do a better job at loving people like Jesus than anyone else I know.

love does.

I’ve never met Bob Goff, but after following him on Twitter, reading his book Love Does, and watching some of the videos he posts on his blog, I think he’s probably one of those guys who is a lot of fun to be around – someone who just lives life all in, who isn’t afraid to be a little ridiculous and encourages you to do whatever you’re passionate about.

If you’ve ever read anything by Donald Miller, the style of this book is somewhat similar. It reads a little bit like a memoir, with a series of stories from Bob’s life and the lessons he learned while living those stories. I highlighted lots of little nuggets as I got started, things that I thought were an interesting and insightful way of looking at something. It wasn’t until I got to the end, though, that I really understand that the whole book is about doing something, about being active not passive, about really being full engaged in life wherever that is. I finished it inspired. I think you will, too.

Here are a few of the parts I highlighted:

“The world can make you think that love can be picked up a garage sale or enveloped in a Hallmark card. But the kind of love that God created and demonstrated is a costly one because it involves sacrifice and presence. It’s a love that operates more like a sign language than being spoken outright. What I learned from Randy about the brand of love Jesus offers is that it’s more about presence than undertaking a project. It’s a brand of love that doesn’t just think about good things, or agree with them, or talk about them. What I learned from Randy reinforced the simple truth that continues to weave itself into the tapestry of every great story: Love does.”

“I want to leak from having been hit by Jesus. From having something crazy happen to me, something that flipped my life upside down. I’ve met people like that, people who leak Jesus. Whenever you’re around them, Jesus keeps coming up with words and with actions. I don’t suppose everybody gets hit by Jesus, but those of us who have talk about Him differently. We start steering funny, we start leaking where we stand. And it’s because we got thrown from our lives in a terrific collision.”

“We’re God’s plan, and we always have been. We aren’t just supposed to be observers, listeners, or have a bunch of opinions. We’re not here to let everyone know what we agree and don’t agree with, because, frankly, who cares? Tell me about the God you love; tell me about what you’re going to do about it, and a plan for your life will be pretty easy to figure out from there. I guess what I’m saying is that most of us don’t get an audible plan for our lives. It’s way better than that. We get to be God’s plan for the whole world by pointing people toward Him.”

a tough week.

Friends, it’s been a tough week.

I’ve traveled a lot lately – all good trips, but I’ve learned that one thing that is guaranteed to stress me out is not having enough time to just be at home, no matter how much I enjoy the thing that takes me away from home.

Last week I had to give notice to one of my house guests. It was the right decision, I know that, because sometimes you just can’t really help people, no matter how much you want to. Still, if I’m being honest, I’m more than a little frustrated that it came to this. I wish it was otherwise. Sometimes it feels like a failure on my part, even though I really don’t think there was anything I could have/should have done differently. There are tons of lessons to be learned here, and maybe one day I’ll share them.

Also last week, on Monday, my beautiful grandmother passed away. She was 96 years old. We had her for a long time and now she’s home and whole with Jesus, and I think probably dancing with my grandfather. I’ve been trying for the last few days to write about her, and maybe someday soon I can, but for now the words aren’t quite coming together in my head.

This past week, even the past month, has taken a lot out of me, and I’m tired. More than that, I’m weary.

I’m down in Virginia Beach this week for training. At first, I wasn’t looking forward to yet another trip, but I think I’ve changed my tune. I’m staying in a hotel, which means I’m getting some much needed alone time. It feels a little luxurious, honestly, to have all of this space to myself, but I’m soaking it up. My suite has a small kitchen, so tonight for dinner I made fajitas (one of my favorite meals) and cream cheese and salsa dip (also something I love, but I don’t make it that often because I love it a little too much, if you know what I mean). I’m eating Cookie Crisp for dessert. I’m watching Friday Night Lights on Netflix and HGTV and it’s wonderful. Tonight I’ll sleep right in the middle of the king size bed all by myself and I won’t have to push a dog out of way to get more space. Tomorrow morning I’ll leave for training for the day and come back and someone else will have cleaned the room.

When I told my mom and sister about the hotel, about looking forward to the break and hours to just do nothing, they predicted I’d be bored. Maybe in a few days I will be, but I doubt it. Right now, I don’t think I ever want to leave.

dining room curtains.

What do you get when you add two Target shower curtains and a single curtain panel?

[Photo source: Ebay (left), Target (right)]

Plus some iron-on hem tape and hot glue (also know as the two of the greatest tools of non-sewers)?

My new dining room curtains!

Some day I really would like to learn to sew, but for now, hem tape and my hot glue gun work wonders!