on being radical.

I have this desire to be radical. It's one of those things that's engraved deep within me, a yearning that has been a part of me for a long time. I'm not sure where it comes from exactly - maybe a desire to stand out, a need to matter. I'd like to couch it in spiritual terms, to make you think that I love Jesus so much that I want to do something big for him. But if I'm being honest, I think there are some selfish motivations driving that. Because if not, would I really want to be radical, or just obedient?

It's been about a year and half now since I started doing stuff that I would have considered radical a few years ago. And you know what? It doesn't feel radical. It just kind of feels like this is the way I should have been living all along. And hopefully, as God keeps teaching me, the stuff that seems radical now will just seem normal in a few years. I have no idea what that will look like. But in case you're in that place of wanting to be radical but not really sure how to start, here are a couple things I've learned.

First, it starts with the small things. If we're not willing to be faithful in the little things of every day life, what makes us think we'll say yes when God asks for something more? If I won't be generous with my free time when I have so much of it, am I really going to be willing to sacrifice it later when it seems there is much less to spare? And if I don't trust him with all that he has given me so far, why would I trust him with more?

Second, in the end, it's really about the small things. Even the big decisions are really lived out in the day to day. For me, it's cooking more often than I ever have before, because one meal doesn't lead to as many leftovers as it used to. Sometimes it's stopping what I'm doing, or skipping what I want to do, to give someone a ride or pick someone up. It's the choice to be patient when I really want to be left alone, or the decision to stay engaged when I want to find a place to hide out for a while. It's doing the dishes again. Like with so many other things, the real impact is not in the one big decision, but the daily little ones.

the latest.

After wrestling for a couple weeks on what to say and how to say it, I think I’ve finally figured it out.

A few months ago, T and her 14-year-old daughter K moved in with me, because they needed a place to stay for a few months. For reasons I won’t go into, T is going to be unavailable for a while, so K will be living with me, along with her 17-year-old sister A. In addition to this, M and her young daughters A and B are living here, which makes for a wonderfully full house.

(Full of females, including the dogs, which gives some male members of my family a little bit of anxiety at the idea of coming over).

So this is where I find myself these days – making doctor and dentist appointments, planning meals on a regular basis for more than just myself, checking school grades and helping with homework, and learning what parents mean when they say they feel like they’re running a taxi service. And although I am not the girls’ mother, I’m still getting a crash course in parenting. I am certain that I am exactly where God wants me, even as I’m getting used to this new schedule and the myriad new responsibilities that come with it.

I started reading The Circle Maker by Mark Batterson today, and these words jumped out at me:

“I felt underqualified and overwhelmed, but that is when God has you right where He wants you. That is how you learn to live in raw dependence – and raw dependence is the raw material out of which God performs His greatest miracles.”

This is where I am – sure that I can’t do this job, but confident that He can. And anticipating that God will do miraculous things.

new recipes, part 6.

[Sources: 1 – Taste of Home, 2 – Stay-At-Home Artist,
3 – Our Best Bites, 4 – jujugoodnews.com]

Enchilada Stuffed Shells – These were okay, they just didn’t have a ton of flavor. Not bad, but just not one of those recipes I would absolutely keep to make again.

Creamy Chicken Noodle Soup – I love chicken noodle soup, and I love thick, creamy soups, which this definitely is. It was pretty easy to put together, even with the addition of the cream sauce. It made a lot, and it got rave reviews. It’s definitely something I’ll make again, especially as comfort food this winter (after I’m done hobbling around on crutches, that is).

Baked Sweet Potato Fries – Honestly, I kind of winged it on this one. I didn’t measure out anything, just peeled and cut the sweet potatoes, then dumped olive oil and the seasonings on them. I also skipped the coriander, because I didn’t have them. The result was definitely tasty, but I wasn’t careful about laying out each piece so they weren’t touching (I was in a hurry), so they weren’t very crispy. Still, they were good. And easy enough that I’ll make them again.

Orange Chicken Vegetable Stir-Fry – This recipe just really didn’t have much flavor! The orange flavor didn’t come through at all. It was edible, but there wasn’t much to it, really. I have another recipe for orange chicken (from here). It’s a less healthy, but much tastier and easier. Maybe I’ll try a hybrid someday.

what’s going on.

So here’s the weird thing about having a blog. It’s a great way for me to process the stuff that’s going on in my life and the things that God is teaching me, as well as share the projects that I’m working on. But it’s also a public forum, and since I never really know who is reading my tiny little corner of the Internet, there are some things that I just don’t feel comfortable sharing, at least not right away.

And then, when my time and mental energy and sometimes even money is consumed with this BIG THING I can’t talk about, I don’t always want to talk about anything else. Sometimes it’s easier to just be silent, then wrestle through what I want to and should say.

My reason for saying all of this is just to explain that there are some big things going on over here, that I can’t talk about. Maybe soon I can. Or maybe I’ll find the words to share some of these things without sharing the details I shouldn’t. I don’t know. In the meantime, if things are sparse around here, or maybe even just not very deep for a while, you’ll know why.

So, here is one thing that I can share. At the beginning of September, I dislocated my kneecap while playing kickball. Actually, let me clarify that – we were practicing kickball (my sisters, brother, and brother-in-law are all in a kickball league, and I signed up for the fall season, too). Before the first game, I was out of commission. This is, of course, after I signed up and paid my registration fee. My bright yellow jersey is hands-down the most expensive t-shirt I own.

So after a few weeks of just following my orthopedic PA sister Kelli’s advice, my knee just didn’t seem to be healing the way it should. I got better, but then things kind of stalled, so Kelli referred me to one of her coworkers. I started physical therapy and got an MRI, and a couple of days ago, I got the news that the reason my knee wasn’t healing, and probably the reason that it was so unstable that I dislocated my kneecap in the first place, is because I have a torn ACL.

This was a complete shock to me. Kelli, too – she may or may not have said a few swear words when she saw the MRI results. I’ll admit, it threw me for a loop. On one hand it’s good to have an answer. On the other hand, with everything else going on (the stuff I can’t talk about yet, Grandma’s death a few weeks ago, normal Christmas-is-coming chaos), in that moment, the weight of everything just felt like too much.

I’m handling it better now. Surgery is scheduled for December 19 (which means that I have even fewer days to finish my Christmas prep). I’m supposed to be on crutches for several weeks and unable to drive for a while. I’m taking off work for a week, and have the option of taking more time or partial days after I see how I feel. My boss has made it clear that we’ll work things out, however I need to. My sister has put in a request for a specific anesthesiologist (we get nervous about anesthesia around this family, and plus all medical questions fall under her area of expertise). My mom has already offered to do my laundry, and several friends have promised to help with meals or rides as I need them.

God is faithful. Sometimes I remember that well. Sometimes I need reminders. Sometimes it’s a truth that I hold on to with everything I have, because I know that when I forget it, I’m lost.

Thanks for letting me just unload a bit!

chicken fabric art.

This is my newest meaningful art project.

It’s a little bit different, isn’t it? But as simple as this project is (just fabric stapled around a canvas), the story behind it is one of my favorites.

Buying fabric is Gabon is always an interesting experience. There is a ton of great, really fun and colorful stuff, but you also need to look closely at the pattern, just to make sure you notice if it has cell phones or dollar signs or pieces of fruit.

A few days before I left Gabon, several of our friends bought me a few going-away gifts, including a few yards of this fabric. I’ll admit, I was a little surprised at the chickens at first, but they explained they had chosen it so I would always remember my children at Hope House. They talked about the way I would come into the medical clinic, always with children that I loved as though they were mine.

I, of course, teared up.

Then Papi Joe, who is a bit of a class clown, said in his limited English, “Kristy is the mama chicken!”

Which made me laugh.

And this makes me remember my kids in Africa, and my friends who do a better job at loving people like Jesus than anyone else I know.

love does.

I’ve never met Bob Goff, but after following him on Twitter, reading his book Love Does, and watching some of the videos he posts on his blog, I think he’s probably one of those guys who is a lot of fun to be around – someone who just lives life all in, who isn’t afraid to be a little ridiculous and encourages you to do whatever you’re passionate about.

If you’ve ever read anything by Donald Miller, the style of this book is somewhat similar. It reads a little bit like a memoir, with a series of stories from Bob’s life and the lessons he learned while living those stories. I highlighted lots of little nuggets as I got started, things that I thought were an interesting and insightful way of looking at something. It wasn’t until I got to the end, though, that I really understand that the whole book is about doing something, about being active not passive, about really being full engaged in life wherever that is. I finished it inspired. I think you will, too.

Here are a few of the parts I highlighted:

“The world can make you think that love can be picked up a garage sale or enveloped in a Hallmark card. But the kind of love that God created and demonstrated is a costly one because it involves sacrifice and presence. It’s a love that operates more like a sign language than being spoken outright. What I learned from Randy about the brand of love Jesus offers is that it’s more about presence than undertaking a project. It’s a brand of love that doesn’t just think about good things, or agree with them, or talk about them. What I learned from Randy reinforced the simple truth that continues to weave itself into the tapestry of every great story: Love does.”

“I want to leak from having been hit by Jesus. From having something crazy happen to me, something that flipped my life upside down. I’ve met people like that, people who leak Jesus. Whenever you’re around them, Jesus keeps coming up with words and with actions. I don’t suppose everybody gets hit by Jesus, but those of us who have talk about Him differently. We start steering funny, we start leaking where we stand. And it’s because we got thrown from our lives in a terrific collision.”

“We’re God’s plan, and we always have been. We aren’t just supposed to be observers, listeners, or have a bunch of opinions. We’re not here to let everyone know what we agree and don’t agree with, because, frankly, who cares? Tell me about the God you love; tell me about what you’re going to do about it, and a plan for your life will be pretty easy to figure out from there. I guess what I’m saying is that most of us don’t get an audible plan for our lives. It’s way better than that. We get to be God’s plan for the whole world by pointing people toward Him.”

a tough week.

Friends, it’s been a tough week.

I’ve traveled a lot lately – all good trips, but I’ve learned that one thing that is guaranteed to stress me out is not having enough time to just be at home, no matter how much I enjoy the thing that takes me away from home.

Last week I had to give notice to one of my house guests. It was the right decision, I know that, because sometimes you just can’t really help people, no matter how much you want to. Still, if I’m being honest, I’m more than a little frustrated that it came to this. I wish it was otherwise. Sometimes it feels like a failure on my part, even though I really don’t think there was anything I could have/should have done differently. There are tons of lessons to be learned here, and maybe one day I’ll share them.

Also last week, on Monday, my beautiful grandmother passed away. She was 96 years old. We had her for a long time and now she’s home and whole with Jesus, and I think probably dancing with my grandfather. I’ve been trying for the last few days to write about her, and maybe someday soon I can, but for now the words aren’t quite coming together in my head.

This past week, even the past month, has taken a lot out of me, and I’m tired. More than that, I’m weary.

I’m down in Virginia Beach this week for training. At first, I wasn’t looking forward to yet another trip, but I think I’ve changed my tune. I’m staying in a hotel, which means I’m getting some much needed alone time. It feels a little luxurious, honestly, to have all of this space to myself, but I’m soaking it up. My suite has a small kitchen, so tonight for dinner I made fajitas (one of my favorite meals) and cream cheese and salsa dip (also something I love, but I don’t make it that often because I love it a little too much, if you know what I mean). I’m eating Cookie Crisp for dessert. I’m watching Friday Night Lights on Netflix and HGTV and it’s wonderful. Tonight I’ll sleep right in the middle of the king size bed all by myself and I won’t have to push a dog out of way to get more space. Tomorrow morning I’ll leave for training for the day and come back and someone else will have cleaned the room.

When I told my mom and sister about the hotel, about looking forward to the break and hours to just do nothing, they predicted I’d be bored. Maybe in a few days I will be, but I doubt it. Right now, I don’t think I ever want to leave.

dining room curtains.

What do you get when you add two Target shower curtains and a single curtain panel?

[Photo source: Ebay (left), Target (right)]

Plus some iron-on hem tape and hot glue (also know as the two of the greatest tools of non-sewers)?

My new dining room curtains!

Some day I really would like to learn to sew, but for now, hem tape and my hot glue gun work wonders!

finishing what i start.

I love thinking about new projects. I like to browse blogs and Pinterest and magazines, noting ideas that I want to try in my own home. I enjoy figuring out how to actually accomplish it – making plans and buying materials.

What I actually seem to have trouble with is actually finishing those projects. There are already a bunch of things that I’ve started and haven’t finished, or projects where I have the supplies and just need to get going. Just a few days ago I thought of a couple new projects, and had to stop myself from going out to buy the supplies for them.

So, this is my public decoration of a few items that are in the works. I’m hoping that putting them out here will give me accountability to get these things finished before doing anything new. That means you should see posts about some of these things before something that isn’t on this list.

• Make duvet for master bedroom
• Create a gallery wall in the dining room
• Create a memo board to hang over my desk
• Create chicken fabric art (there’s a really cool story about this one)
• Make a shutter memo board
• Convert upstairs tub into a shower
• Make dining room curtains
• plus a few other Christmas gifts I can’t talk about here

new recipes, part 5.

[Sources: 1 - Our Best Bites, 2 - Inspired by Charm, 3 - My Blessed Life, 4 - Inspired by Charm]

Baked Pasta and Broccoli with Ham and Cheesy-Creamy Cauliflower Sauce – This was good, and I love that it was full of healthy things like broccoli and cauliflower. Cauliflower is one of those vegetables that just really doesn’t have a lot of flavor to me, so I really like the idea of using it in a puree. That said, it didn’t take quite some time and made a huge mess of my kitchen, so I think this is one of those recipes that I’ll save for special occasions.

White Chocolate Cranberry Oatmeal Cookies – I love to eat cookies, but I have to be in the right mood to want to actually bake cookies. I pinned a couple of recipes recently that have inspired me, including this one and the one below. These were really good! Plain oatmeal cookies are a little bland for me, but I love the added combination of dried cranberries and white chocolate chips.

Parmesan Potato Wedges – Easy and tasty. I pretty much eye-balled everything, and I cut the potatoes in chunks instead of wedges. Still, it’s an easy side dish, and definitely something I would make in the future. As a bonus, this is one of the few new recipes I’ve tried that I think my dad would like, and maybe even my brother, too.

Caramel Stuffed Apple Cider Cookies – Oh my word. These were seriously amazing. Not super easy, very messy, but oh so worth it – I got a ton of compliments! If you decide to make them, here are a couple things you should know. First, these really spread out – so much so that I ended up with some oddly-shaped, smushed-together cookies. I’m actually thinking next time I might try smaller cookies and cut the caramels in half. Second, the parchment paper is really helpful. I did it both with and without, and it was definitely easier with.